Story: In a dark region of what is not our Universe, sits a creature that, thanks to the Time Lords, never existed. Sitting in the heart of a Sun, it watches over millions of other creatures who never existed, infiltrating their minds and actions, out of sheer boredom.
Somewhere, an ancient Time-weapon is detonated, causing the TARDIS to be torn from the “real” Universe, and be dragged into this separate, quite silly place, where the “thing inside,” as it is called, is waiting. Separated from the TARDIS, Bernice and the Doctor are captured by pirates, who are influenced into searching for the legendary Eyes of Schirron. These four “eyes” apparently do something special when they are brought together and taken to a certain special place – according to the legends, that is. One is hidden on each of the four planets in the system, and are guarded by ingenious traps of sinister design!
Review: This whole book is filled with sad puns, jokes that are not funny, long-winded descriptions of bodily functions, and a writing style that makes Douglas Adams look like a Poet Laureate. Writing a Sci-fi book is one thing, but writing a funny Sci-fi book does not always work. In this case, the characters we know (the Doctor, etc…) suffer horribly at the hands of this author, and the characters created by the author seem to have motives which defy all logic.
Now, I’m not saying that the ideas posed in this book are bad, it’s just the prose used to get the ideas across that offends my senses. There were a few genuinely funny moments, but for every one of those, there were ten that made me roll my eyes into the back of my skull. I do have to say, though, it is better than “Infinite Requeim”, which stank due to the sheer ineptitude of the writer. Dave Stone can write, but I just wish he hadn’t made the thing so damn silly! It makes City Of Death look like a heavy drama!
Halfway through reading this book, I was sure I was going to give it my lowest rating ever. But, it did actually keep my interest, and, for the most part, made sense. I knew it was too good to be true…the last bunch of books have all been great, and then along comes a dud.
If this book vanished from this Universe, and was sent to the Universe that doesn’t exist, I wouldn’t miss it one bit. 6 out of 10.
Year: 1995
Author: Dave Stone
Publisher: Virgin
Pages: 256